IF THE UNIVERSE SENDS ME SIGNS AND I IGNORE THEM ALL, DOES IT MAKE ME THE ULTIMATE PURITAN ANARCHIST??

Socially engaged art of emotionally disengaged people.

HANDYMAN

than there is the hand that seeks the justification of it's own existence. the frustrating urge to materialize the the supremely crafted work, the cv, the paper for submission , the justification of the grace of the given residency or project to collaborate on.....the eye that conveys the materialized object for the brain to process the feeling of significance, acknowledgment, the dopamine fulfilled cortex with the feeling of social relevance with an ambition to get to the historical level of remembered artisan imprint.
because the silence is never remembered.

Silence is burdening. realization of thoughts in this form has an immersive weight. art is done. reality is more conceptualized it a clash and my self is left silent in the momentum of this collision when a splash of two buckets of water meet. i feel like a stone eroded by the constant ebb and the flow of the grittiness of the force. does that make a stone a sufferer or self made object of art? i have to write to materialize although it feels like prostituting the silence itself. silence is so honest, full of content, tension, authenticity. comfort.
it speaks so loudely that no one can hear.

HEROSTRATUS

THE FEAR OF OBSCURITY IS FINELY AND FIRMLY CROCHETED IN THE EXISTENCE OF AN ARTIST.
IT IS A DEFAULT.

WE EXIST FROM A FEAR, WE CREATE FROM A FEAR, WE MATERIALIZE OUT OF FEAR.
MATERIALIZATION IS JUST OUR BRIEF RELEASE.
AN EXPULSION BEFORE ANOTHER TENSION.

IS THERE A CATHARSIS OR WAS IT JUST ANOTHER REMEDY SOLD TO US IN A HEALTH STORE?

WHAT IS LEFT IF YOU DON'T MATERIALIZE?

THE POWER OF THE FEAR ITSELF IS THE ULTIMATE ARTWORK OF IT'S OWN.

EXHAUSTING  IS THIS SEARCH FOR RELEVANCE BY DODGING THE OBLIVION.

THE VOID
what do you do with it, do you stare at it? do you let it stare back to you? can you mould it into the 3 dimensional object? should you? or leave it pristine in it's abiguity.
is it fear from it that keep the distance, tangibility we need to define things....
constant need to feel creates tension
feel is sensory
sensory is definable
definable is the proof of matter
matter is relevance
relevance is form
form is an idea
hatched in the void. 

a strange combination of self loathing and beautification and not in the way one should compensate or gratify for another. it's like mother telling me to clean and shave myself up if i end up in a hospital wihich i did not so long ago. interesting to imagine urself on the morgue rig clean and Hawaiian shaved. in all this reeking posthumous cosmetology.

to live to be an oxymoron to the end.......