a strange combination of self loathing and beautification and not in the way one should compensate or gratify for another. it's like mother telling me to clean and shave myself up if i end up in a hospital wihich i did not so long ago. interesting to imagine urself on the morgue rig clean and Hawaiian shaved. in all this reeking posthumous cosmetology.

to live to be an oxymoron to the end.......